As a writer, I cannot call myself a writer, an author, or any similar label of professional word assembly and production. Once the label and definition are in place, the experience declines, life becomes a mission to find interesting topics as a means of inspiration a parenthetical/false inspiration worthy of air quotes (the previous statement would be more concise and academic if I had only used real words, quotation marks and parentheses instead of rhetoric). The flaw in this way of inspiring writing through experience comes from the approach; I've been lying from the beginning of the paragraph because I'm not experiencing anything. I am inventing a story and doing research, I have a goal before the task and this goal bastardizes and mutilates life, my life, in the analysis of the idea of ​​living. So as a writer I cannot become a writer if I would like to remain a writer, because as soon as the transformation occurs I am no longer writing a story, I am preparing a narrative research document or worse creating a criticism. You see, I have already written the story, before living it. My internal narrative exists and I'm simply filling in its holes. So when the written story begins, it is simply an imitation, a falsification, of an earlier piece that was written in a realm of conjecture, prejudice, and analytical hell. That writing, the writer's writing, is ultimately a farce based on a lie that is the result of a personal melodrama. My life is prostituted and presented as a used shell of something that never existed, what I present is simply a carcass of abused opportunities. From a purely logical point of view, the practice of selling and marketing a life as a used prostitute is both counterproductive and difficult. I am lazy and chemically dissociated from the world and... middle of paper... these living people own is not their story. They didn't create the stories. They didn't create anything. What happened were actions based on desires produced by need and instinct. It is not creation, it is the mere occurrence of it, and it has more in common with reflection than reflection. This nature of living life as it happens is what kills the past and the future. Any planning is present planning formulated from reaction, and any looking back is a reaction to present madness. Everything that makes the non-writer is based on a utilitarian view of what is needed to have a present. As a writer, who refuses to be a writer, despite being a writer, I am forced to think and observe. I am forced to process and create. In a Faustian way, I have sold my present because it will always be used in retrospect, and will only exist as something that can be future and by that definition is past..