I guess I was also subconsciously excited about not having the belief that I was a lesbian carry over into high school. Plus, my body was finally starting to mature in a way that represented my attitude. I remember that in middle school I was more interested in adult conversations between teachers and my friends' parents than in hanging out with people my age. At school dances I would dance for a song or two, but then retreat to talk to adults for a while. I loved the wisdom and maturity of adults and longed for the days when I would be one. In fact, my whole life seems to show the pattern of looking forward to whatever the next step in my life is, even during the lowest point of my life I remain optimistic about the future despite the current pessimistic outlook on